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Bullying

  • Body Image, Bullying, Dating

    Love is Setting Boundaries: When Boundaries Aren’t Respected

    In a relationship, both people have the right to set their own boundaries AND have those boundaries respected, no matter what. But what happens if someone crosses a line? How do you deal with it? Here’s what to consider if…

    …Your Relationship Is Safe:

    In a healthy relationship, open communication is crucial. If your partner does something that upsets you or makes you uncomfortable, you have a right to address it with them. If you don’t have any safety concerns and you feel like your relationship is in a pretty healthy place, having a conversation with your partner about a boundary violation could be really helpful. Depending on the situation, you can address it as soon as it happens, or you can take some time to think about what you want to say. It might even help to write down what you want to say before talking with your partner.

    For example, let’s imagine you and your partner are hanging around the house and your partner slaps your butt as you’re walking past. If that makes you uncomfortable, in that moment you could say, “Hey, I’m not ok with that,” and take your conversation from there. But if you and your partner are out to dinner with family and your partner does something that makes you uncomfortable, you might feel like it’s best to wait until the two of you are alone to bring it up. Either way, you do have a right to say something to your partner.

    When discussing the situation, use “I” statements (ex. “I feel this way when…”), and talk with your partner about why the boundary was crossed and any steps you can both take to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Being able to hold each other accountable is part of building a healthy relationship.

    …Your Relationship Might Not Be Safe:

    If your partner is repeatedly crossing your boundaries, they aren’t willing to discuss boundaries with you, or you notice that your partner is guilt-tripping you for even having boundaries, your relationship is likely very unhealthy and could become abusive if your partner’s behaviors continue and escalate.

    If you are in an unhealthy relationship and a boundary is crossed, having a conversation with your partner may not be a safe option for you. You do have the right to be firm and clear about your boundaries, because you always deserve to have your boundaries respected, but it is also important to consider your safety. You might talk to a trusted friend or family member or chat with a loveisrespect peer advocate, and try thinking about whether or not this is a relationship in which you can feel safe and respected. It’s important to remember that if someone doesn’t respect you, they won’t respect your boundaries, and vice versa.

    You might also consider documenting any instances of harmful or abusive behavior in case you decide to file a protective order or get legal help in the future. Having your thoughts or feelings written or saved somewhere where your partner can’t access them may also work as a reminder of times you were hurt or major boundaries were crossed, in case you ever start to question yourself or believe the abuse was your fault (hint: it never is).

    …Your Relationship Is Definitely Not Safe:

     

    Maybe you’ve realized that your relationship is abusive and your partner isn’t a safe person to talk to about your boundaries. What now? If your partner isn’t allowing for you to be safe, it might be time to consider leaving the relationship. Breaking up can be really difficult, especially when feelings are involved, and if your relationship is abusive breaking up might also be dangerous. You have a right to make your safety a top priority, so it’s important to have a plan in place for how you can break up safely or stay safe in the meantime. You might talk to someone in your support system about what’s going on.

    We recognize that your safety is the top priority and you are the best person to decide what is right for you. If you want to talk about your plan to stay safe whether you want to stay in a relationship or you feel ready to leave. To talk to an advocate, call 1-866-331-9474, text loveis to 22522 or visit loveisrespect.org to chat via our website 24/7!

  • Bullying, School

    What You Can Do

    Are you being bullied? Do you see bullying at your school? There are things you can do to keep yourself and the kids you know safe from bullying.

    Treat Everyone with Respect

    Nobody should be mean to others.

    • Stop and think before you say or do something that could hurt someone.
    • If you feel like being mean to someone, find something else to do. Play a game, watch TV, or talk to a friend.
    • Talk to an adult you trust. They can help you find ways to be nicer to others.
    • Keep in mind that everyone is different. Not better or worse. Just different.
    • If you think you have bullied someone in the past, apologize. Everyone feels better.

     

    What to Do If You’re Bullied

    There are things you can do if you are being bullied:

    • Look at the kid bullying you and tell him or her to stop in a calm, clear voice. You can also try to laugh it off. This works best if joking is easy for you. It could catch the kid bullying you off guard.
    • If speaking up seems too hard or not safe, walk away and stay away. Don’t fight back. Find an adult to stop the bullying on the spot.

    There are things you can do to stay safe in the future, too.

    • Talk to an adult you trust. Don’t keep your feelings inside. Telling someone can help you feel less alone. They can help you make a plan to stop the bullying.
    • Stay away from places where bullying happens.
    • Stay near adults and other kids. Most bullying happens when adults aren’t around.

     

    Protect Yourself from Cyberbullying

    Bullying does not always happen in person. Cyberbullying is a type of bullying that happens online or through text messages or emails. There are things you can do to protect yourself.

      • Always think about what you post. You never know what someone will forward. Being kind to others online will help to keep you safe. Do not share anything that could hurt or embarrass anyone.
      • Keep your password a secret from other kids. Even kids that seem like friends could give your password away or use it in ways you don’t want. Let your parents have your passwords.
      • Think about who sees what you post online. Complete strangers? Friends? Friends of friends? Privacy settings let you control who sees what.
      • Keep your parents in the loop. Tell them what you’re doing online and who you’re doing it with. Let them friend or follow you. Listen to what they have to say about what is and isn’t okay to do. They care about you and want you to be safe.
      • Talk to an adult you trust about any messages you get or things you see online that make you sad or scared. If it is cyberbullying, report it.

     

    Stand Up for Others

    When you see bullying, there are safe things you can do to make it stop.

        • Talk to a parent, teacher, or another adult you trust. Adults need to know when bad things happen so they can help.
        • Be kind to the kid being bullied. Show them that you care by trying to include them. Sit with them at lunch or on the bus, talk to them at school, or invite them to do something. Just hanging out with them will help them know they aren’t alone.

    Not saying anything could make it worse for everyone. The kid who is bullying will think it is ok to keep treating others that way.

    Get Involved

    You can be a leader in preventing bullying in your community.

          • Find out more about where and when bullying happens at your school. Think about what could help. Then, share your ideas. There is a good chance that adults don’t know all of what happens. Your friends can go with you to talk to a teacher, counselor, coach, or parent and can add what they think.
          • Talk to the principal about getting involved at school. Schools sometimes give students a voice in programs to stop bullying. Be on a school safety committee. Create posters for your school about bullying. Be a role model for younger kids.
          • Write a blog, letter to the editor of your local newspaper, or tweet about bullying.

    From more information: stopbullying.gov

  • Bullying

    Anti-Bullying Information

    Here are some thing you need to do if you are begin bullied:

    Don’t respond

    If someone bullies you, remember that your reaction is usually exactly what the bully wants. It gives him or her power over you. Who wants to empower a bully?

    Don’t retaliate

    Getting back at the bully turns you into one and reinforces the bully’s behavior. Help avoid a whole cycle of aggression.

    Save the evidence

    The only good news about digital bullying is that the harassing messages can usually be captured, saved, and shown to someone who can help. Save evidence even if it’s minor stuff – in case things escalate.

    Block the bully

    If the harassment’s coming in the form of instant messages, texts, or profile comments, do yourself a favor: Use preferences or privacy tools to block the person. If it’s in chat, leave the “room.” This may not end the problem, but you don’t need harassment in your face all the time, and no reaction sometimes makes aggressors bored so they’ll stop.

    Reach out for help

    You deserve backup. Of course you know there are different kinds of help, from talking with a friend to seeing if there’s a trusted adult who can help. It’s usually good to involve a parent but – if you can’t – a school counselor can sometimes be helpful. If you’re really nervous about saying something, see if there’s a way to report the incident anonymously at school. Sometimes this can result in bullies getting the help they need to change their behavior.

    Use reporting tools

    If the bullying took place via a social network, use that service’s reporting or “abuse” tools. The social network may also have “social abuse-reporting” tools, which allow you to forward hurtful content to a trusted friend or directly ask someone to take offensive content down. If the abuse threatens physical harm, you may have to call the police, but think about involving a parent if you do.

    Be civil

    You’re doing yourself a favor. Even if you don’t like a person, it’s a good idea to be decent and not sink to his or her level. Research shows that gossiping about and

    Don’t be a bully

    You know the old saying about walking a mile in someone’s shoes; even a few seconds of thinking about how another person might feel can put a big damper on aggression. That’s needed in this world.

    Be an upstander, not a bystander

    Forwarding mean messages or just standing by and doing nothing empowers bullies and hurts victims even more. If you can, tell bullies to stop, or let them know bullying is not cool – it’s cruel abuse of fellow human beings. If you can’t stop the bully, at least try to help the victim and report the behavior.

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    From: Google

  • Bullying

    Cyberbullying

    Computers, cellphones, and other kinds of technology can be great. But sometimes they can be used to really hurt someone. Keep reading to learn more about cyberbullying:

    What is cyberbullying?

    Cyberbullying is hurting someone again and again using a computer, a cellphone, or another kind of electronic technology. Examples of cyberbullying include the following:

    • Texting or emailing insults or nasty rumors about someone
    • Posting mean comments about someone on Facebook, Twitter, and other social media sites
    • Threatening someone through email or other technology
    • Tricking someone into sharing embarrassing information
    • Forwarding private text messages to hurt or embarrass someone
    • Posting embarrassing photos or videos of someone
    • Pretending to be someone else online to get that person in trouble or embarrass her
    • Creating a website to make fun of someone

     

    Some teens think it’s easier to get away with bullying online than in person.

    Also, girls may be more likely to cyberbully than boys. Keep in mind that it’s pretty easy to find out who has been cyberbullying. In fact, cyberbullies can get in a lot of trouble with their schools, and possibly even with the police.

    Cyberbullying hurts.

    It can be easier to type something really mean than to say it to a person. But being cyberbullied can sometimes feel even worse than other kinds of bullying. That’s because cyberbullying can come at you anytime, anywhere and can reach a lot of people.

    Being cyberbullied can make you feel angry, afraid, helpless, and terribly sad. Also, teens who are cyberbullied are more likely than other teens to have problems such as using drugs, skipping school, and even getting sick.

    If you are being cyberbullied, talk to an adult you trust.

    An adult can help you figure out how to handle the problem, and can offer you support.

    If you are cyberbullying, it’s time to stop.

    You are not only hurting someone else, you could hurt yourself. You can lose friends and get in trouble with your school or even with the police. If you can’t seem to stop yourself from cyberbullying, get help from an adult you trust.

    You may hurt someone online without really meaning to do it. It may seem funny to vote for the ugliest kid in school, for example, but try to think about how that person feels. And if you get a message that makes you mad, go away and come back before writing something you may regret. Nearly half of teenage cellphone users say they regretted a text message they sent. Remember, nothing is really secret or private on the Internet, and things you post online can stay there forever.

     

    [blockquote]

    Did you know?

    Teen girls say meanness lurks on social media. One out of 5 girls ages14 to 17 say people her age are mostly unkind to each other on social media. And one out of 3 girls ages 12 to 13 thought so. Ouch!
    Can you take a second to rewind and be kind before you post? [/blockquote]

     

    How to prevent cyberbullying?

    Here are some tips that may help protect you from being cyberbullied:

    • Don’t give out your passwords or personal information. Even your friends could wind up giving your passwords to someone who shouldn’t have them.
    • Use the privacy options on social networking sites like Facebook, Instagram, and Tumblr that let you choose who can see what you post.
    • Don’t friend people online if you don’t know them, even if you have friends in common.
    • Be careful about what you write or what images you send or post because nothing is really private on the Internet.
    • If you are using a site like Facebook on a computer in the library, log out before you walk away. If you don’t log out, the next person who uses the computer could get into your account.

     

    If you are cyberbullied arrow

    If you are cyberbullied, you can get help. Here are some important tips:

    • If someone bullies you, don’t respond. Bullies are looking for a reaction, and you may be able to stop the bullying if you ignore or block the person.
    • Save any evidence of cyberbullying, print it out, and show it to a trusted adult.
    • Use options that let you block email, cellphone, and text messages from a cyberbully. You can also stop a person from seeing your Facebook information. If you need help, ask an adult, your cellphone company, or the website where you want to block someone.
    • If you are being cyberbullied, ask if your school can get involved.
    • Report bullying to your Internet service provider, phone company, email provider, or the website where it happened. Sites like Twitter, YouTube, and Instagram have online forms for reporting.
    • Report cyberbullying to police if it involves threats of violence or pornography. Stopbullying.gov has more information on cyberbullying and the law.

    Sometimes, teens don’t want to tell their parents that they are being cyberbullied because they are afraid their parents will take away their phone or computer. If you have this concern, tell your parents, and work with them to figure out a solution. The most important thing is for you to be safe.

    Sexting and cyberbullying

    Sexting is sending naked or partly naked photos to someone online or by cellphone. Sometimes, a guy may pressure you to send these kinds of photos. Sometimes, friends may dare you to do it.

    It’s a very bad idea to send nude photos or forward someone else’s. Messages can be traced back to you, and photos can quickly get forwarded to a lot of people. You can really hurt someone’s feelings or your own reputation. You can even get in legal trouble for forwarding something that could be considered child pornography.

    From: Girls Health

  • Bullying

    Suicide is not the answer

    This generation is getting worse and worse with how we talk to each other. We degrade and harass. Especially girls. I was bullied all throughout High School and trust me, I thought about suicide more times than one. But trust me when I tell you that it is NEVER the answer. Life is a precious and beautiful thing. I know that some situations are so hard to get through and it feels like it will never get better. but trust me when I tell you that it does. I have a little sister and I wish she would listen to me when I tell her to focus on her schoolwork and let everything else be.

    The people who are popular and who make fun of now will never be in your life again once you graduate and leave. I thought I was never going to get away from the people who bullied me. But guess what? I’ve been out of school for almost six months and I feel so much better about myself and about everything that has happened to me. I am grateful that I never used that blade or pulled that trigger. Trust me when I say that no one is ever truly worthless or alone. Everyone has at least one person who loves of cares for them. It may be someone that is too shy to talk to you.

    It may be a teacher or a neighbor or a co-worker. There is someone who would be crushed. And even if you think you don’t have anyone then you’re wrong. Because I cry every time I hear about a beautiful, smart, funny and gifted young girl that has made the decision to end her life. I care for you all. Even if I don’t know you. Even if I don’t know you exist. I still love you. You are still my sister. I would still do anything for you. Because human life means so much to me. There is no reason a young woman or man for that matter should feel like there is no other way.

    It’s beautiful human life that is being wasted and we need to help stop it. We need to stop it today.

    If You Need Help Reach Out To Us

    National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

    We are a 24-hour completely confidential prevention hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Your call will be routed to the nearest crisis center in a national network of more than 150 crisis centers. Additionally, the Lifeline’s national network of local crisis centers provides crisis counseling and mental health referrals day and night.

    Call us Toll-Free at 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

    www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

  • Bullying, Poem

    Blind

    School has begun.
    The braids of summer have been undone.
    All the stores bring out their fall attire.
    Colors of warmth, the heat of a fire.
    School supplies are all sold out.
    These things have changed but others will not. No doubt.
    The lonely table has been brought out once again.
    Things will go back to the way they’ve been.
    The one kid sitting at that table
    With cruel words has been disabled.
    Others laugh and joke about her life,
    But what they don’t know is that she cries at night.
    Some of you see this every single day,
    If you haven’t done anything, that’s not okay.
    See; what happens here is not always seen,
    By people who are “too busy” or people like you and me.
    How can so many people so phenomenally blind?
    They don’t see it. A bully is not someone to stand behind.
    If you see that girl or that boy at that table,
    Stand up and do what you are able.
    Bullying is truly a double-edged sword.
    It’s good for nothing. It’s something this world can’t afford.
    If you too are bullied because you stand up to them,
    Ignore them and make new friends.
    Start with that kid with the long face all day.
    You might just take some of their sorrow away.
    Make friends who you know are truly kind.
    Ditch the ones who behind a bully you will find.
    If you do all these things, it might get better.
    You know, accomplishments will present around people who work together.
    The best thing to do is to do something.
    But the worst thing to do is nothing.

  • Body Image, Bullying, Dating, Depression, Relationships

    It’s Toxic Girls!: 3 ways to deal with and get over with toxic relationships

    “Boys, boys, boys!”, every girl has the same problem nowadays, and if I’m not wrong each one of those girls out there, want an amazingly charming partner for themselves. But, let’s face it, not every single guy is worth your precious time and that expensive makeup you’re wearing right now, girls. I know every girl wants a perfect, loving and caring one, and every time you look at a cute couple making out in the hallways, just one thing crosses your mind, “Dear God, grant me one”, but unfortunately, all that glitters is not gold. Maybe the guy you recently found loves you enough and maybe he loves you quite “a lot”.

    But sometimes it doesn’t always turn out to be what we wish for. Toxic relationships are one of the greatest yet, uncontrollable contentions in our society. Maybe you, yourself are bounded and imprisoned in a toxic relationship. It could be anyone. Life’s unfair sometimes, a lot of times. But, it’s our choice to make that life worth living for. There is just a little line between love and hate, but there’s far more thinner line between love and obsession. Love is something you live for, you dream of, it can make your life easier, perfect and magical at the same time. If, you don’t feel these things and your life is getting harder and harder, and more of a mess then, you need to get out of that relationship. Toxic relationships are just like drugs- can’t get rid of them easily, folks! Here are 3 uniquely amazing ways of identifying a toxic relationship and getting rid of it.

    • INFATUATION:

      Infatuation, the first stage of a toxic relationship. Mostly the person you love is more likely to fall in love with you, but sometimes it’s just your looks or those crazy, stupid hormones, which tend to be the cause of this passionate attraction. He might love you for your countless perfections, your external beauty, or maybe your physical appearance. Yet, love is something a lot more complicated than that. It is not merely a bond with your perfections or your beauty, it’s a lot about your imperfections, and mostly your flaws. You love someone not because of their immaculate personality but because of those little flaws, which you find cute enough to make you go crazy about them. Infatuation is just immaturity, a mere attraction towards someone for their physical appearance. For instance, if your boyfriend tells you that you are beautiful then, the first question to ask him is that will he be by your side even if you get ugly, fat, old, repugnant, or hideous? Will his “proclaimed love” be the same for you? And trust me, if he thinks even slightly longer on that one then it’s time for you to let go and move on, and it’ll be far easier to get rid of a person like that at an earlier stage than crying about him the rest of your lives.

    • CONTROL:

      Control is a major issue of toxic relationships. Your partner will surely want you to isolate yourself from your closer ones and spend all of the time with him, which is absolutely not a acceptable. A true relationship is something which will make you shine your inner self and will force you into doing and achieving greater things in life rather than wasting your whole entire life. If your boyfriend is not okay with what you love to do, who you truly are, and most of all, refuses to see your true self then trust me, this is surely not the one you’re looking for.

    • JEALOUS AND SUSPICIONS:

      A jealous boyfriend can look cute and maybe you like your boyfriend being extremely over possessive, extra impulsive and highly over-protective about you, making you think that they love you so much that they can’t even control themselves. After all, it’s all love’s about or……is it? not quite. Jealousy’s good but not when your ‘bae’ gets extra jealous with someone you are just friends with. Has it ever happened, that your partner suspects you of having relationships with other guys? Or has he ever tried to look up for things against you, which will eventually make you look guilty, even when you’re totally fine with them? If yes, then this is something you should start to worry about. Because, without trust a relation is baseless and extremely irrelevant. It’s possible that maybe your boyfriend has dealt with some serious problems in the past that he’s afraid to trust someone or fall in love with someone again, just due to their previous experience. If that’s that, then go right away and talk it out with your partner. Communicating frequently and interacting with each other about personal and private issues can surely save your relationship. Maybe, you can fix your loved one back to normal, once again. But, on the other hand if you are unable to do so, then maybe it’s time for you to part your ways as quickly as possible, because jealousy can cause root problems and then a person can act impulsive towards you.