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  • Relationships

    Relationship Advice

    Relationship Advice

    A friend of mine came to me the other day with a story about her niece asking for relationship advice.

    The poor girl was so embarrassed by the advice she received from her mom, that she didn’t know where else to turn.

    When life gives you tough choices, there are more and more online resources to help you through it. For this particular topic, let me be your guide.

    From a young age, I knew what I liked and what I didn’t like in the guys that I dated. I had my first “boyfriend” when I was in the second grade. I know what you’re thinking, that’s not even a real relationship. It may not be, but it felt very real at the time. We “dated” for three years. His mom or my mom would take us on little dates to the local skating rink or the movies. And for valentine’s day it was a big show.

    Then, when the end of fifth grade came around, I knew I wanted to experience the world a little and get to know myself. This all seems silly coming from a fifth grader, but you have to stop yourself and remember what your head was like at that time.

    I ended the relationship with my “boyfriend” by telling him the truth.

    I was very honest with him about how the entire relationship made me feel and how I was unsure whether I would regret my decision, but that I need a change. At the time, I thought I loved him, but middle school was right around the corner and I knew older kids dated differently.

    My body started to change, and I began to get attention from a lot of different boys and even some girls. I was at a loss for how to reject guys and how to date without being in a relationship. Anytime a boy gave me a little bit of attention I felt like I owed it to them to flirt back. But I didn’t. The truth is that you don’t owe anyone anything when it comes to relationships, flirting, or your sexuality.

    It can be fun to test the water a little bit and flirt back, back don’t do it because you feel obligated. Let yourself be free and react naturally. Sometimes your natural reaction to something can be even better than a premeditated reaction. Besides, you want the boy or girl to like you for who you are, not for who you pretend to be.

    If you have anxiety or do not function well socially, then being quiet for a moment isn’t a bad thing.

    I talk a lot, so I am attracted to guys that don’t normally talk much. You might find an equal balance with someone in that way, too. Or maybe someone who feels confident enough to talk to you while you’re remaining silent will help you eventually feel comfortable enough to talk back.

    Also, be careful with the people you choose to date or have relations with. If there is a boy or girl that you’re interested in, and they are known for doing bad things or being a bad person, maybe take some time to reflect on that. If you only know through rumors, then you could take time to uncover the truth, but if you know for a fact that someone is an indecent human being, go ahead and dodge that bullet. You can’t change someone any more than you would expect someone to change you.

    When it comes to rejecting someone, you can just say no.

    Or if you want to be honest, go ahead and politely tell them the truth. A simple “no, thank you” can get you pretty far. If you’re dealing with a guy that pushes you even after you say no, just walk away or tell them they’re making you uncomfortable. Sometimes boys and girls need honesty to help them grow as people.

    Keep in mind that dating is a different experience for everyone. Some people may not be ready for it until they’re older and others might just be more interested in their studies to take the time for it. If you feel pressured by someone to make a decision, just tell them no. And always make sure to discuss how your relationship will go. Are you exclusive? Is this just a date or two? Are you in a committed long-time relationship? Questions like those are important to establish so that someone doesn’t get hurt.

    For further relationship advice, check out the following links or comment down below:

    https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/9-tips-for-talking-to-teens-about-dating-and-relationships-0227157

    https://www.huffingtonpost.com/chris-enloe/high-school-relationship-tips_b_3007582.html

  • Articles, Relationships

    The Art of Tolerance

    THE ART OF TOLERANCE

    By- Purnima Priyadarsini

    It hurts no matter what. It always hurts to be hit. But the question arises from the brimming pain in the soul, why me? The woman who was born to be your progeny should not be the one whose face you slap. She can roar the loudest, so don’t her cry in the darkest silence. Dead with fear inside, she still dares to live with fake expressions for you, she still thinks she is in love with you.

    A woman is not a prize won in a competition, nor is she an object to play with. Her tears are real, her screams are real, the bruises that cover her body are real, her pain is real. Still, she tolerates abuse because of faith she had once been shown, with the hope of kept promises once made to her. She suffers either pain or fear, but is it possible that she is still in love.

    Why is it that one in every 3 women is victimized and experiences pain in the name of love? Was it her fate or just a choice she made? A woman does not only suffer physical abuse, she is also exposed to mental, emotional, economical, and sexual abuse at the hands of her current or ex-partners. An abuser has many options, but women are left with no other option except to suffer.

    Now that conditions have worsened, we are realizing something needs to be done. It’s human tendency to wait for things to get worst. Exploitation has crossed all its limits, and an epidemic is impending. But, as the time itself says, it is never too late to take action. Every woman will roar not scream, she will be brave not scared. Her tolerance shall break its silence at the edges of injustice, and she shall know no fear. If she has taught herself the art of tolerance then it is only she who can teach herself to fight. She is important is all she needs to understand. She is a warrior in disguise, a lover with purest of the souls. how can she lose then when she herself is the truth?

  • Dating, Relationships

    How Healthy Is Your Relationships

    Everyone deserves a healthy relationship! Don’t settle for anything less!

    Is my relationship healthy?

    Healthy Relationships
    The person I am with:

    • Listens to what I have to say.
    • Respects and supports my decisions.
    • Encourages me to have a life of my own.
    • Is my cheerleader!
    • Wants what is best for me.
    • Does not pressure me about sex.
    • Likes my friends and family.
    • Would never try to hurt me.

    Unhealthy Relationships
    The person I am with:

    • Puts me down, calls me names or constantly criticizes me.
    • Tries to control what I do.
    • Gets angry when I don’t drop everything for them.
    • Makes me feel ashamed.
    • Makes me feel like no one else would want me.
    • Pressures or forces me into having sex.
    • Tries to keep me from seeing my friends and family.
    • Grabs, pushes, shoves me or hurts me in some way.

    From: UT Teen Health

  • Relationships

    True Friendship

    Nowadays, true friendships are hard to come by. In our generation where spreading animosity through subtweets and Instagram comments are more common than smiling at a stranger on your way to class, our so called “friendships” tend to fizzle out like the latest fashion trends and start anew like fresh, hopeful rose buds in the spring in the span of a few days or weeks. They stem from desires of quick fixes of our past friendships and then on to the next when we find the smallest flaw. But then again, isn’t that just the world we live in? When everything around us is so fast pace and replaceable, why would we expect our friendships to be any different? Why would we expect the same people who once built us up to tear us down? After all, it’s what we do to everything else: forests, animals, playgrounds, factories, technology. We use and use and then tear down when the next best thing arises. So, I ask again, why do we expect our friendships to be any different? Why would we expect unconditional love from friendships that began under endless conditions?

    The answer lies in our natural human tendencies. We want to believe the smallest ounce of goodness will result in a triumph of the human spirit. We want to believe in what we see in the movies, an idealistic phenomenon that friendship lasts forever and pain from losing those friendships is short-lived. But, more often than not, we are wrong. More often than not, we get burned and have the emotional scars to prove it. But, we do continue to forgive and forget. Why is that? Is it because we all have some sort of short term memory loss causing us to forget all the mistakes a person has made and all the damage they have caused? No, it is much simpler than that. We want so badly to find real friendships. Real support. Real trust. Real laughs. Real shoulders to cry on. Real feelings. Real unconditional love. And when we find that, even for the shortest time, it means everything. It means more than our Instagram likes, more than popularity, more than money and more than power. Friendship means unconditional love, a gift that cannot and will not be granted more than a few times in a person’s lifetime. At the end of the day, no matter what age, race, religion or even species, true friendship is a testament to fate’s most valuable and transcendent gifts to us all.

  • Articles, Health, Relationships

    How to be Less Judgmental

    We all are guilty of thinking a harsh thought about somebody else or about ourselves, sometimes without even realizing it. We inherit these thinking habits from television, movies, parents, and friends and while criticism can sometimes be entertaining, it can also sour our mood and relationships. The more a person thinks about what’s wrong with themselves and the people around them, the better they get at finding these flaws and ignoring what’s good. Professional fault-finders are not fun friends, siblings, or team members and their happiness often suffers from only seeing what they don’t like. Learning to be less judgmental keeps your mood high and eases relationships with other people.

     

    1. Watch your thoughts

    Listen to your inner voice closely to see what it says about the grocery store”s cashier’s hair or your friend’s outfit. When you catch yourself thinking a negative thought, ask yourself if it’s fair and if it serves you. Try to deflect the harsh thoughts by thinking the most positive, warm thing about what you’re seeing instead.  Get creative! When you feel yourself thinking something critical about someone’s outfit, imagine you are a commentator at a runway show and instead of tearing it apart, point out its genius. If you give these positive thoughts more attention than the negative ones, you’ll feel a lot better about others and yourself. Pretty soon, thinking the nicest thing instead of the meanest will be an impulse.

     

    1. Bite your tongue

    When you do have an ugly thought about something, be sure not to say it aloud. Even if you don’t care what the person you’re talking to thinks about you, vocalizing your criticism only encourages more harsh thinking. The best way to become less judgemental is by first changing the way you talk about others and then you will be able to change the way you think about others. As a rule, people respond much better to encouragement than criticism so being very good at criticising others is often more detrimental than helpful.

     

    1. Realize when you want to find faults

    Once we become good at finding problems and flaws, it’s hard to not see them everywhere. The best fault-finders can find something ugly in even the most beautiful things and only focus on the imperfect. The next time you see someone make a harmless mistake or reveal a unique quirk about themselves, realize it’s okay if you don’t point it out or have an opinion about it. It’s okay if things are imperfect and it’s often the imperfections that make life and people exciting and interesting. If you find someone or something that doesn’t seem to have any blatant faults, don’t turn into a detective trying to find one. If you accept imperfections and don’t actively seek out things to dislike, you’ll be much happier with what’s around you.

     

    1. Everyone deserves to be happy

    Everyone, yes everyone, deserves happiness. If someone’s doing what makes them feel good without harming anyone else, why not let them do it without judgement? You deserve to do what makes you happy too and you wouldn’t want anyone looking down on you for the way you have fun. Maybe you can even share in that person’s happiness if you decide not to criticize them to yourself.

     

    Deciding to welcome imperfections instead of judging them can make life seem much more beautiful and fulfilling. I hope you take it upon yourself to reject being a fault-finder and love others and yourself how they already are.

  • Confidence, Depression, Relationships, TRENDING

    A Letter to The Girls Who Are Trying to Figure it Out

    A letter to my little sister by Ashley Mosley 635910818387618239-203699596_sibling-silhouette-photo-by-kristin-ingalls-840x559

    Little sister, as you grow up I pray that things don’t always go your way. When they don’t go your way you are able to learn to grow in a beautiful way. Little sister, when somebody starts to make fun of you, don’t you dare let that get into your sweet mind. You are a child of God my angel!! You were fearfully and wonderfully made. Sweet girl, be strong and courageous like it says in Joshua 1:9. Lean into Jesus when times are hard. It’s okay to cry because as each tear falls, Christ catches them and keeps them in a jar. He cares so much about you that even your tears are important to Him. I want you see how much love He has for you sissy. You are truly beautiful and you have the glow of Christ beaming all around you, and that is beautiful. Jesus puts in the Bible 365 times, don’t not worry or fear because He knew each day would be filled with some new worry. He wants to take care of you and make sure you will be ok. When you fall down and just give up, don’t little sis. Jesus is sitting next to you rubbing your back telling you, “It’s going to be okay. I’m right here. Let’s try this again together.” Little sister when people laugh being your back, I want you to learn to hold your head tall and grab Jesus’ hand. It hurts, I know. I’m afraid too many of us have been there. This is when we just want a friend to cry and talk to, but I have good news for you. Jesus is longing to hear from you and I urge you to talk to Him. He is your eternal friend. Baby sister, I know this world is mean but you find the most beautiful things and turn it around. You always look for the good in people and that inspires me. I love you & never let the fear of the unknown scare you. I love you. Song of Solomon “You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.”

  • Articles, Relationships

    The Key To A Good Relationship

    I have been in a relationship for seven and a half years now. On the evening of December 8, 2009, I was asked out, and on the evening of December 8, 2016, we got married.

    When I tell people this, they’re usually surprised, and sometimes jealous. After all, I’m 25, which means that when we first got together, I was 17. So people have asked me what the key to making their relationships work is, and I think that’s where they go wrong.

    There is not one key to making a relationship work. When asked to narrow it down to one perfect element that a relationship has to have, I refuse. Relationships cannot function without trust, honesty, communication, love, respect, and support on both ends, and to try to pick between any of those elements is absurd.

    When people ask what the key to a good relationship is, my advice is to figure it out yourself. That’s not because I want to brush you off or I don’t want to help. Rather, it is good for people to find what works for their relationships. What works for my relationship may not work for yours, and that is totally okay (as long as both relationships are healthy).

    One thing I can tell you is to stop worrying about your relationship lasting and live in the moment. That can be difficult, but if you focus too much on making your relationship perfect and lasting, you’ll get burnt out and the relationship might crash and burn.

    It can be hard to stop worrying about your relationship. After all, you’re in love. You want to make sure that you’ll be with the person you love forever, right? But none of us can predict the future, at least not to my knowledge. You can vow to love someone for the rest of your lives and then three months later get divorced. We’ve all heard about that happening all too frequently in our society. So how do you make sure you’re not going to be one of those couples?

    Well, one big tip that I’d give to you is that you need to like your partner. This seems really obvious, right? But all the best relationships that I’ve seen were couples that were best friends first, and partners second. That doesn’t mean that they started out as best friends, it just means that eventually they ended up that way. There is a sort of freedom that comes with being in a relationship with your best friend. It means that you know that they’ll never make fun of you (in a cruel way, that is) and that you can trust them with anything. My advice to anyone hoping to make their relationship last is to cultivate your friendship with them. Make sure you like them in addition to loving them.

    Overall, I’d say relax and enjoy the ride. Besides, if you have mutual trust, honesty, communication, love, support, respect, and fondness, then in my eyes, you’re good.

    Do you have any thoughts on making a relationship last? Leave them below in the comments!

    (Written by Megan Flint.)