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  • Articles, Relationships

    Getting Over A Breakup Is Hard

    Getting Over A Breakup Is Hard

    Getting Over a Breakup Is Hard

    How I dealt with mine – 

     

    My first breakup was shocking to me. Although it was my decision, it affected me more than I expected. Two years with someone and now they are out of your life. For good. It is a weird feeling and your emotions are out of whack. So many things remind you of them, almost everything in the beginning. You feel like things are going to be life-changing and dramatic when you break up with someone. In a way it is, but only because it is change. It still hurt, but it wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. After all, I had lived without this person most of my life what made me think I wouldn’t be okay without them? So anyway here are some things I learned that made the experience overall a little better.

    It’s okay to not be okay

    Cry if you need to cry. Lay in bed and sulk and be upset. Be mad and angry and feel all the things. If you don’t let yourself be sad it is bound to come up later, so save yourself and get closure at the beginning so that you’re not still thinking about all the unanswered question you could have. Eat your chocolate and watch your sad movies, it doesn’t make you pathetic. Losing someone you love and your best friend is hard so you’re allowed to be upset.

    Time is Essential

    When it is still fresh, you are not going to magically wake up and feel like it didn’t happen. You will go thru a lot of ups and downs. One day you’ll be side, the next day you may be distracted and shove it in the back of your mind. You may even think you’ve gotten over it and then the next day you see a movie you always watched together and the sadness rushes in. Things will be different for a while, don’t rush it.

    Treat Yourself

    Get your nails done, go to Target and buy things you don’t need (Target is therapy, don’t argue me on that one), or go on a run to clear your mind. Taking care of yourself and your body will make you feel so much better. So put on your charcoal mask and binge-watch your favorite Netflix show, you deserve it.

    Do Some Organizing!

    One thing I did was purging my junk. I cleaned out my closet, organized my junk drawer, and decluttered my room. Being upset urges me to clean for some reason, but it honestly helps so much and makes everything feel cleansed. Maybe it’s in my head, but it really distracts me, eases my mind, and makes me feel like I have my life together, somewhat.

    Find You

    It is easy to lean on someone for your identity, especially in a relationship. Go out and don’t be afraid to try new hobbies, make new playlists, do what you like to do because you don’t have anyone else telling you to change the song. Start a journal or go get that book that’s been sitting on your book list for months now. There is always room to learn and grow so view this as more time to get to know who you are. Express yourself in new ways and learn to love you because there is so much freedom in being confident in who you are.

    Find Comfort in Being Alone

    It’s easy to rely on your friends during times like this and it’s okay to surround yourself with people you love but learn to also do things by yourself. If you are afraid to be alone this is a perfect time to get out of your comfort zone. If you learn to enjoy your own company, you’ll always be okay. Go to the grocery store, go get food, or go read a book in a coffee shop. I used to hate being alone I would never go to Target or TJ Maxx without a friend because it made me uncomfortable. After my breakup, I moved to a new city and was forced to learn this the hard way. So enjoy yourself, it is okay to do things alone…it is very enjoyable for me now and now I don’t have this need to constantly rely on people.

    All in all, breakups are hard and everyone copes differently. Just know, that you will be okay and there are better things to come. You have so much to look forward to!

  • Articles, Holiday, Relationships

    A Guide to A Happy Valentine’s Day

    Guide to Valentine's day

    A Guide to A Happy Valentine’s Day

     

    Celebrate Love that Matters

    As much as we hate to admit it, Valentine’s Day is a significant holiday in each person’s life – regardless of relationship status.

    Because let’s admit it, any day involving vast amounts of chocolate resonates with everyone. Whether you’re celebrating with your significant other over a candlelit dinner, having a movie night with your best friends, or indulging in some self-care, Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to spread love – and we should all partake.

    While it’s easy to treat the fourteenth of February as a negative day, don’t fall victim to that mindset. Sure, all the red and pink hearts might be cliché, but pretending to be heartless is ever more so.

    This day doesn’t have to be about the stereotypical, romantic comedy kind of love. It should be about the love you have for your mom, who accepts you at your best and your worst (seriously, she had to deal with you during your pre-teen years. That’s love). It should be about the love you have for your friends, who have the ability to make you laugh during the most mundane moments. Even the love you have for your dog!

    Valentine’s Day isn’t just about flowers, chocolates and teddy bears – no matter how much we love those things (or pretend not to). It’s about love, in every shape and form. Love shouldn’t be defined by a date on the calendar. We should acknowledge it every day, hour, and second.

    So this Valentine’s Day, and each day leading up to and following it, embrace the love. Give your partner the appreciation they deserve, but don’t reserve it for those specific 24 hours. Give your current friends a hug, and give your old friends a call. Convey your love for candy by purchasing extensive amounts the day after, because it’ll all be on sale. It’s called self-love. 

    Valentine’s Day celebrates love, so don’t restrict the celebration to only those in relationships, and don’t restrict the emotion to one particular day.

    The negative stigma around this holiday is played out. Spread love!

  • Relationships

    Relationship Advice

    Relationship Advice

    A friend of mine came to me the other day with a story about her niece asking for relationship advice.

    The poor girl was so embarrassed by the advice she received from her mom, that she didn’t know where else to turn.

    When life gives you tough choices, there are more and more online resources to help you through it. For this particular topic, let me be your guide.

    From a young age, I knew what I liked and what I didn’t like in the guys that I dated. I had my first “boyfriend” when I was in the second grade. I know what you’re thinking, that’s not even a real relationship. It may not be, but it felt very real at the time. We “dated” for three years. His mom or my mom would take us on little dates to the local skating rink or the movies. And for valentine’s day it was a big show.

    Then, when the end of fifth grade came around, I knew I wanted to experience the world a little and get to know myself. This all seems silly coming from a fifth grader, but you have to stop yourself and remember what your head was like at that time.

    I ended the relationship with my “boyfriend” by telling him the truth.

    I was very honest with him about how the entire relationship made me feel and how I was unsure whether I would regret my decision, but that I need a change. At the time, I thought I loved him, but middle school was right around the corner and I knew older kids dated differently.

    My body started to change, and I began to get attention from a lot of different boys and even some girls. I was at a loss for how to reject guys and how to date without being in a relationship. Anytime a boy gave me a little bit of attention I felt like I owed it to them to flirt back. But I didn’t. The truth is that you don’t owe anyone anything when it comes to relationships, flirting, or your sexuality.

    It can be fun to test the water a little bit and flirt back, back don’t do it because you feel obligated. Let yourself be free and react naturally. Sometimes your natural reaction to something can be even better than a premeditated reaction. Besides, you want the boy or girl to like you for who you are, not for who you pretend to be.

    If you have anxiety or do not function well socially, then being quiet for a moment isn’t a bad thing.

    I talk a lot, so I am attracted to guys that don’t normally talk much. You might find an equal balance with someone in that way, too. Or maybe someone who feels confident enough to talk to you while you’re remaining silent will help you eventually feel comfortable enough to talk back.

    Also, be careful with the people you choose to date or have relations with. If there is a boy or girl that you’re interested in, and they are known for doing bad things or being a bad person, maybe take some time to reflect on that. If you only know through rumors, then you could take time to uncover the truth, but if you know for a fact that someone is an indecent human being, go ahead and dodge that bullet. You can’t change someone any more than you would expect someone to change you.

    When it comes to rejecting someone, you can just say no.

    Or if you want to be honest, go ahead and politely tell them the truth. A simple “no, thank you” can get you pretty far. If you’re dealing with a guy that pushes you even after you say no, just walk away or tell them they’re making you uncomfortable. Sometimes boys and girls need honesty to help them grow as people.

    Keep in mind that dating is a different experience for everyone. Some people may not be ready for it until they’re older and others might just be more interested in their studies to take the time for it. If you feel pressured by someone to make a decision, just tell them no. And always make sure to discuss how your relationship will go. Are you exclusive? Is this just a date or two? Are you in a committed long-time relationship? Questions like those are important to establish so that someone doesn’t get hurt.

    For further relationship advice, check out the following links or comment down below:

    https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/9-tips-for-talking-to-teens-about-dating-and-relationships-0227157

    https://www.huffingtonpost.com/chris-enloe/high-school-relationship-tips_b_3007582.html

  • Articles, Relationships

    The Art of Tolerance

    THE ART OF TOLERANCE

    By- Purnima Priyadarsini

    It hurts no matter what. It always hurts to be hit. But the question arises from the brimming pain in the soul, why me? The woman who was born to be your progeny should not be the one whose face you slap. She can roar the loudest, so don’t her cry in the darkest silence. Dead with fear inside, she still dares to live with fake expressions for you, she still thinks she is in love with you.

    A woman is not a prize won in a competition, nor is she an object to play with. Her tears are real, her screams are real, the bruises that cover her body are real, her pain is real. Still, she tolerates abuse because of faith she had once been shown, with the hope of kept promises once made to her. She suffers either pain or fear, but is it possible that she is still in love.

    Why is it that one in every 3 women is victimized and experiences pain in the name of love? Was it her fate or just a choice she made? A woman does not only suffer physical abuse, she is also exposed to mental, emotional, economical, and sexual abuse at the hands of her current or ex-partners. An abuser has many options, but women are left with no other option except to suffer.

    Now that conditions have worsened, we are realizing something needs to be done. It’s human tendency to wait for things to get worst. Exploitation has crossed all its limits, and an epidemic is impending. But, as the time itself says, it is never too late to take action. Every woman will roar not scream, she will be brave not scared. Her tolerance shall break its silence at the edges of injustice, and she shall know no fear. If she has taught herself the art of tolerance then it is only she who can teach herself to fight. She is important is all she needs to understand. She is a warrior in disguise, a lover with purest of the souls. how can she lose then when she herself is the truth?

  • Dating, Relationships

    How Healthy Is Your Relationships

    Everyone deserves a healthy relationship! Don’t settle for anything less!

    Is my relationship healthy?

    Healthy Relationships
    The person I am with:

    • Listens to what I have to say.
    • Respects and supports my decisions.
    • Encourages me to have a life of my own.
    • Is my cheerleader!
    • Wants what is best for me.
    • Does not pressure me about sex.
    • Likes my friends and family.
    • Would never try to hurt me.

    Unhealthy Relationships
    The person I am with:

    • Puts me down, calls me names or constantly criticizes me.
    • Tries to control what I do.
    • Gets angry when I don’t drop everything for them.
    • Makes me feel ashamed.
    • Makes me feel like no one else would want me.
    • Pressures or forces me into having sex.
    • Tries to keep me from seeing my friends and family.
    • Grabs, pushes, shoves me or hurts me in some way.

    From: UT Teen Health

  • Relationships

    True Friendship

    Nowadays, true friendships are hard to come by. In our generation where spreading animosity through subtweets and Instagram comments are more common than smiling at a stranger on your way to class, our so called “friendships” tend to fizzle out like the latest fashion trends and start anew like fresh, hopeful rose buds in the spring in the span of a few days or weeks. They stem from desires of quick fixes of our past friendships and then on to the next when we find the smallest flaw. But then again, isn’t that just the world we live in? When everything around us is so fast pace and replaceable, why would we expect our friendships to be any different? Why would we expect the same people who once built us up to tear us down? After all, it’s what we do to everything else: forests, animals, playgrounds, factories, technology. We use and use and then tear down when the next best thing arises. So, I ask again, why do we expect our friendships to be any different? Why would we expect unconditional love from friendships that began under endless conditions?

    The answer lies in our natural human tendencies. We want to believe the smallest ounce of goodness will result in a triumph of the human spirit. We want to believe in what we see in the movies, an idealistic phenomenon that friendship lasts forever and pain from losing those friendships is short-lived. But, more often than not, we are wrong. More often than not, we get burned and have the emotional scars to prove it. But, we do continue to forgive and forget. Why is that? Is it because we all have some sort of short term memory loss causing us to forget all the mistakes a person has made and all the damage they have caused? No, it is much simpler than that. We want so badly to find real friendships. Real support. Real trust. Real laughs. Real shoulders to cry on. Real feelings. Real unconditional love. And when we find that, even for the shortest time, it means everything. It means more than our Instagram likes, more than popularity, more than money and more than power. Friendship means unconditional love, a gift that cannot and will not be granted more than a few times in a person’s lifetime. At the end of the day, no matter what age, race, religion or even species, true friendship is a testament to fate’s most valuable and transcendent gifts to us all.

  • Articles, Health, Relationships

    How to be Less Judgmental

    We all are guilty of thinking a harsh thought about somebody else or about ourselves, sometimes without even realizing it. We inherit these thinking habits from television, movies, parents, and friends and while criticism can sometimes be entertaining, it can also sour our mood and relationships. The more a person thinks about what’s wrong with themselves and the people around them, the better they get at finding these flaws and ignoring what’s good. Professional fault-finders are not fun friends, siblings, or team members and their happiness often suffers from only seeing what they don’t like. Learning to be less judgmental keeps your mood high and eases relationships with other people.

     

    1. Watch your thoughts

    Listen to your inner voice closely to see what it says about the grocery store”s cashier’s hair or your friend’s outfit. When you catch yourself thinking a negative thought, ask yourself if it’s fair and if it serves you. Try to deflect the harsh thoughts by thinking the most positive, warm thing about what you’re seeing instead.  Get creative! When you feel yourself thinking something critical about someone’s outfit, imagine you are a commentator at a runway show and instead of tearing it apart, point out its genius. If you give these positive thoughts more attention than the negative ones, you’ll feel a lot better about others and yourself. Pretty soon, thinking the nicest thing instead of the meanest will be an impulse.

     

    1. Bite your tongue

    When you do have an ugly thought about something, be sure not to say it aloud. Even if you don’t care what the person you’re talking to thinks about you, vocalizing your criticism only encourages more harsh thinking. The best way to become less judgemental is by first changing the way you talk about others and then you will be able to change the way you think about others. As a rule, people respond much better to encouragement than criticism so being very good at criticising others is often more detrimental than helpful.

     

    1. Realize when you want to find faults

    Once we become good at finding problems and flaws, it’s hard to not see them everywhere. The best fault-finders can find something ugly in even the most beautiful things and only focus on the imperfect. The next time you see someone make a harmless mistake or reveal a unique quirk about themselves, realize it’s okay if you don’t point it out or have an opinion about it. It’s okay if things are imperfect and it’s often the imperfections that make life and people exciting and interesting. If you find someone or something that doesn’t seem to have any blatant faults, don’t turn into a detective trying to find one. If you accept imperfections and don’t actively seek out things to dislike, you’ll be much happier with what’s around you.

     

    1. Everyone deserves to be happy

    Everyone, yes everyone, deserves happiness. If someone’s doing what makes them feel good without harming anyone else, why not let them do it without judgement? You deserve to do what makes you happy too and you wouldn’t want anyone looking down on you for the way you have fun. Maybe you can even share in that person’s happiness if you decide not to criticize them to yourself.

     

    Deciding to welcome imperfections instead of judging them can make life seem much more beautiful and fulfilling. I hope you take it upon yourself to reject being a fault-finder and love others and yourself how they already are.