Throughout my life, I picked apart the idea of “being feminine” in a desperate attempt to make the notion fit me.
I looked up to women in my life like my mom and friends, female icons like Eva Ayllon and Rupi Kaur, and yearned to find confidence in what we have in common. But it seemed impossible. I blame this on my very flawed perspective…I associated being feminine with being appealing to others. This has come in the way of how I feel in what I wear, what I enjoy, and even how I speak. My grasp on femininity was fickle, fabricated by the same instability in my self-confidence.
Today I find my femininity to thrive in places that may not be as apparent to others because today I know that femininity is something that lies within.
Femininity is a feeling and a confidence that is not for others, but for a woman and a girl herself.
Femininity lies in the beautiful
Where do you find beauty? What leaves you in awe of the world, what makes you feel happy to be alive? It is unbelievably easy to get caught up in our complicated world, and even easier to let this chaos get in the way of its beauty.
When I think of what I find beautiful, my mind immediately goes to the ones who surround me. I see beauty in the light of my mom’s eyes when she tells a joke. I see beauty in the chaotic happiness of family gatherings, and in my dad’s smile when he reminisces on his childhood. If you are struggling to recognize the beauty that surrounds you (trust me it gets hard to do when life gets crazy), I recommend using a journal. Recount the events of your day and write down each person, word, or moment that brought you happiness.
This list will be unique to you, and therefore teach you more about what kind of person you are. Being able to appreciate the beauty that lies in nature, passion, and the little things is a gift. A gift that every woman has and every daughter learns.
Femininity lies in how you love
This pill was hard to swallow. Despite hugs being the only instant relief to any one of my problems, I sometimes struggle to reciprocate for others. Or at least, not immediately and not instinctively. This inability has always made me feel less feminine.
Women are supposed to be nurturing and warm, right? It was only when my mom told me that my words and considerate actions were the greatest support she could have received during days of high stress that I realized that I am so capable of showing love. And you are too! Think about how you react to tough situations, or what you feel prompted to do when you see someone you love struggling. It is not the way you show your love but rather the effect that really matters.
Personally, I am striving to offer more physical comfort as well. If that’s what helps me most, shouldn’t I learn to do it for others too? Do whatever you feel comfortable doing. After all, the sole fact that you can comfort and support those around you is amazing and truly feminine.
Femininity lies in being yourself
Being yourself, whether it is what the rest of the world is doing or not, is the best way to live your happiest life. Recognizing what you love, and do not, what and who you care for all contribute to one solid and beautiful medium through which your soul can present itself to the world.
Wear what you want, listen to what you want, and bring the good that lies within you out to share with the rest of us. I encourage finding your people. Those who make it easy to just be. As I mature into a more confident and secure version of myself each day, I learn just how feminine it is to do what your heart most desires.
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