Browsing Tag:

love

  • Articles, Bullying

    Hey Bullies, It’s not Cool to Be Cruel

    It's Not Cool to Be Cruel

    No Bullies Allowed.

    Tips on How to Handle Being Bullied

    Being the center of attention can be nerve-wracking if it is not handled properly. Some people aspire to be the most popular person in the room. Others cringe at the thought of it. Nonetheless, being the center of attention calls for a lot of people to watch your every move. With this being said, sometimes the limelight brings unpleasant people who say and do things that aren’t so nice.

    These people are called bullies.

    In some form or fashion, we have all had a childhood bully. They are never easy to deal with. One of the first bullies that I ever had was when I was in the seventh grade. She ended up stealing my iPod too. A few other times it usually had something to do with how I did my hair and people would say it was flakey and I needed to wash it. It was usually condescending and in a way. People used to make fun of how I talk since it isn’t conventionally feminine. Others used to take jabs about how I dressed or spoke. Essentially, it made me feel terrible about myself. I wouldn’t talk to anyone about how those situations made me feel because I thought that I had no one to talk to.

    Ultimately, I learned that the goal of a bully is to make you feel bad about yourself.

    As said on www.psychologytoday.com, “Bullying is repeated, aggressive behavior…that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. Its purpose is to deliver physical or psychological harm to another person. [They] operate by making their victims feel alone and powerless.” When I noticed that this was their end goal, to make feel a way in which I could not understand, I had to learn to find true confidence from solitude and isolation.

    A lot of people did not understand me growing up. I was uncanny and they thought that my kindness made me an easy target. On top of being socially awkward, I was quite shy and introverted because not communicating the things that harmed me made me feel better. Plus, it was easier to not say anything and keep going with life rather than confront the issue. Again, I learned rather quickly that allowing people to walk all over you would not be a justifiable reason for letting people know when they have hurt you.

    Being assertive and confident created a path to holding others accountable for their wrongdoings. For me, it was not always easy doing so. It takes a lot of self-awareness to be able to tell people when they are wrong, but it is needed. Bullies do not have the power or authoritative order over you; they want you to feel inferior, but know and understand that you are in charge of your own life and safety. Do not fret if the end result is not what you expected. You have to stay consistent and remind these bullies of who is in charge.

    Makayla Smith is a third-year student at the University of Alabama in Birmingham. She is interning at GirlSpring.
  • Articles, Relationships

    Getting Over A Breakup Is Hard

    Getting Over A Breakup Is Hard

    Getting Over a Breakup Is Hard

    How I dealt with mine – 

     

    My first breakup was shocking to me. Although it was my decision, it affected me more than I expected. Two years with someone and now they are out of your life. For good. It is a weird feeling and your emotions are out of whack. So many things remind you of them, almost everything in the beginning. You feel like things are going to be life-changing and dramatic when you break up with someone. In a way it is, but only because it is change. It still hurt, but it wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. After all, I had lived without this person most of my life what made me think I wouldn’t be okay without them? So anyway here are some things I learned that made the experience overall a little better.

    It’s okay to not be okay

    Cry if you need to cry. Lay in bed and sulk and be upset. Be mad and angry and feel all the things. If you don’t let yourself be sad it is bound to come up later, so save yourself and get closure at the beginning so that you’re not still thinking about all the unanswered question you could have. Eat your chocolate and watch your sad movies, it doesn’t make you pathetic. Losing someone you love and your best friend is hard so you’re allowed to be upset.

    Time is Essential

    When it is still fresh, you are not going to magically wake up and feel like it didn’t happen. You will go thru a lot of ups and downs. One day you’ll be side, the next day you may be distracted and shove it in the back of your mind. You may even think you’ve gotten over it and then the next day you see a movie you always watched together and the sadness rushes in. Things will be different for a while, don’t rush it.

    Treat Yourself

    Get your nails done, go to Target and buy things you don’t need (Target is therapy, don’t argue me on that one), or go on a run to clear your mind. Taking care of yourself and your body will make you feel so much better. So put on your charcoal mask and binge-watch your favorite Netflix show, you deserve it.

    Do Some Organizing!

    One thing I did was purging my junk. I cleaned out my closet, organized my junk drawer, and decluttered my room. Being upset urges me to clean for some reason, but it honestly helps so much and makes everything feel cleansed. Maybe it’s in my head, but it really distracts me, eases my mind, and makes me feel like I have my life together, somewhat.

    Find You

    It is easy to lean on someone for your identity, especially in a relationship. Go out and don’t be afraid to try new hobbies, make new playlists, do what you like to do because you don’t have anyone else telling you to change the song. Start a journal or go get that book that’s been sitting on your book list for months now. There is always room to learn and grow so view this as more time to get to know who you are. Express yourself in new ways and learn to love you because there is so much freedom in being confident in who you are.

    Find Comfort in Being Alone

    It’s easy to rely on your friends during times like this and it’s okay to surround yourself with people you love but learn to also do things by yourself. If you are afraid to be alone this is a perfect time to get out of your comfort zone. If you learn to enjoy your own company, you’ll always be okay. Go to the grocery store, go get food, or go read a book in a coffee shop. I used to hate being alone I would never go to Target or TJ Maxx without a friend because it made me uncomfortable. After my breakup, I moved to a new city and was forced to learn this the hard way. So enjoy yourself, it is okay to do things alone…it is very enjoyable for me now and now I don’t have this need to constantly rely on people.

    All in all, breakups are hard and everyone copes differently. Just know, that you will be okay and there are better things to come. You have so much to look forward to!

  • Articles, Poem, Poems

    Love

    Love

    Hearts beating,
    Faster and faster each time.
    Sweaty hands,
    Bodies shaking,
    Can’t feel anything.
    But the safety of your hug,
    My heart skips a beat.
    As your eyes glisten
    Into mine
    Made for each other,
    but not forever.
    That’s love.

     

    Like poetry? Do you write your own? Submit a piece to be published on Girlspring at www.girlspring.com/submit.

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  • Quizzes

    How Should You Spend Valentine’s Day

    Girlspring valentines day

    How should you spend Valentine’s day?

    How You Should Spend Your Valentine’s Day

    Take this quiz and figure out how you should spend your Valentine's Day


    Check out more quizzes here!

  • Articles, Holiday, Relationships

    A Guide to A Happy Valentine’s Day

    Guide to Valentine's day

    A Guide to A Happy Valentine’s Day

     

    Celebrate Love that Matters

    As much as we hate to admit it, Valentine’s Day is a significant holiday in each person’s life – regardless of relationship status.

    Because let’s admit it, any day involving vast amounts of chocolate resonates with everyone. Whether you’re celebrating with your significant other over a candlelit dinner, having a movie night with your best friends, or indulging in some self-care, Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to spread love – and we should all partake.

    While it’s easy to treat the fourteenth of February as a negative day, don’t fall victim to that mindset. Sure, all the red and pink hearts might be cliché, but pretending to be heartless is ever more so.

    This day doesn’t have to be about the stereotypical, romantic comedy kind of love. It should be about the love you have for your mom, who accepts you at your best and your worst (seriously, she had to deal with you during your pre-teen years. That’s love). It should be about the love you have for your friends, who have the ability to make you laugh during the most mundane moments. Even the love you have for your dog!

    Valentine’s Day isn’t just about flowers, chocolates and teddy bears – no matter how much we love those things (or pretend not to). It’s about love, in every shape and form. Love shouldn’t be defined by a date on the calendar. We should acknowledge it every day, hour, and second.

    So this Valentine’s Day, and each day leading up to and following it, embrace the love. Give your partner the appreciation they deserve, but don’t reserve it for those specific 24 hours. Give your current friends a hug, and give your old friends a call. Convey your love for candy by purchasing extensive amounts the day after, because it’ll all be on sale. It’s called self-love. 

    Valentine’s Day celebrates love, so don’t restrict the celebration to only those in relationships, and don’t restrict the emotion to one particular day.

    The negative stigma around this holiday is played out. Spread love!

  • Poems

    A Portrait of Venus, the Loneliest Lover

    A Portrait of Venus

    A Portrait of Venus

    The Loneliest Lover

    Her lady Venus, the planet of love, destroyed herself for the sake of others. Her wells ran dry for the Romantics who turned water into blood quixotic messiahs; nobody ever told her that love is not breaking your ribs to give someone a heart.

    Love is not coal mine canaries singing carbon monoxide songs in your hollow ears as you sleep. Do not be Venus, and lend your broken ribs- do not love with an empty chest; clean out your smoke-blackened lungs, like filtering water, and pour out the bottled love your previous lovers have left you with.

    Do not love with your skin – the glass clean surface of your body. Do not love with the gentle bones you have been given. Do not love with a body so tender it breaks when bent.
    Her lady Venus, the planet of love, though she is two away from the sun she is moonless and casts her eyes to the stars who know her because they too are hot and tired. Her days are longer than most.

    Venus, lover of loneliness, does not love how she used to. She loves now with eyes, with fleeting glances that travel away faster than a comet crosses the view of a child. She loves in baby-pink satin; her sleeping-giant love rests in its robe, waiting, and waiting, and waiting for her next love.

    Her lady Venus, the planet of love, destroyed herself for the sake of others, murmuring carbon monoxide melodies into the ears of Mercury, snapping her ribs to create what she thinks might have been love.

    Venus, my love, lift up your head.

    Do not let Mercury, with his quick wit and sharp tongue, say that love is the aches you have known. Do not let Earth, with her ever-changing warmth, scorch what may have once lived in you.
    Do not let the dust of Mars scare you, for the red will wipe away like white wine.
    Do not let Jupiter’s storm shake you, for she knows not what she does.
    Do not let Saturn, however far away he might be, scare you with his extra guards.
    Do not let Uranus knock you over on your side like all those who came before did.

    Instead, reach out your grey hands and find beauty in the blue that looks like someone you used to know.

    Do not let Neptune frighten you with his stature, but use your heart to calm him.

    Do not let Pluto turn your heart to ice.

    Remember, my lady, that bones heal, the moon will rise again, and rivers will flow, even on the loneliest of eves.

  • Mental Health

    Grieving During the Holidays

    Grieving During the Holidays

    I have so much to be thankful for this year, that the past two years seem almost like a fleeting nightmare. Thanksgiving was my favorite holiday. The food, the family, the festivities. It was all an endless possibility for joy. I find myself missing the way I felt back then, but I understand that what I have gone through brings me here today.

     

    Grab a comfortable seat, a blanket, and possibly some tissues, because this ride is going to ring you for all you have. Or at least, it did for me.

     

    It all started with my first retail job. I gave up my right to have Thanksgiving with my family so that I could cater to the afternoon shopping rush. I only did it for money. I needed to pay for school at the time.

     

    A couple of years of missed Thanksgivings started to weigh heavily on my relationship with my non-immediate family. This was the only time of year, aside from one day at Christmas time, that I got to see any of them.

     

    Flash forward to 2016. My sister is going to have a baby! She flaunts her bump everywhere she goes, and I’m buying little pink and purple things everywhere I go. Forgive me for loving those colors. Baby Squid would have worn them regardless of being a girl. Oh, yeah, she got her nickname because her ultrasound looked like an adorable baby squid.

     

    Over the Summer my grandmother gets sick. She already had cancer, but it got much worse. By the end of July she was saying her last goodbyes with an occasional word to her future great-grandchild. She passed away quickly.

     

    I quit my job, stopped going to class, and felt like life was fleeting. We had always been so close. It felt like a limb had been removed from my body.

     

    After seeking some help, I turned to the positive things in life. My sister was five months pregnant by the end of August. She would be the first grandchild and niece to a family of five children.

     

    As the months went on, my sister got sick. She battled viscous pancreatitis, causing her to be hospitalized for the remainder of the pregnancy. I stopped going to class again so that I could stay at the hospital with her. The whole family took turns.

     

    The doctors kept feeding us good news about the baby, saying she was healthy and the only one to worry about was Jamie, my sister.

     

    Come November, I wondered how Thanksgiving would feel. My grandmother was gone, and Baby Squid was becoming a high risk pregnancy.

     

    Two days before the holiday, Jamie was released. We planned a large feast with our immediate family and her husband’s. That night, she got sick again.

    We rushed her back to the emergency room and waited for several hours to hear anything back from the doctors. Finally, we were told that she would need to stay at the hospital until the baby was born. Three more weeks of hospital time. I was so selfish. I had finals the next week.

     

    One week later, as I was submitting my final assignment for a creative writing class I was in, I got a horrifying phone call. This is where you’ll need those tissues. I’m certainly desperate for some right now.

     

    My sister was dying and so was her baby. Her heartrate had dropped drastically, and Squid’s was nowhere to be found. They rushed her into an emergency c-section without knowing if it would kill them both.

     

    I just wanted a nice Thanksgiving. A nice Christmas. To get finals week over. Yet there I was, sitting in a hospital waiting room, watching my brother-in-law’s parents crying and hugging their son. He kept mumbling something about losing his wife and first child on the same night.

     

    My mom came out from behind a large metal door with red eyes and shaking her head. My niece didn’t make it.

     

    Jamie was still battling the blood loss somewhere in that godforsaken hospital. Would we lose her, too?

     

    Half an hour later a nurse came out to let us know that Jamie was doing fine, but in reality she would be broken for the rest of her life. We walked into her hospital room to see her holding my stillborn niece and babbling incoherently. She was on drugs and could barely comprehend what had happened.

     

    The doctors said it was a freak accident and that nothing could have prevented it. But it still feels like something could have been done.

     

    I am not sharing this story to make you feel sorry for me or for my family. I just want you to know that things can get better. Having grief, especially during the holidays, can be hard. It requires the help of all your loved ones and sometimes professional council.

     

    My sister got pregnant again the next year. With a baby boy. We called him T-rex, because his ultrasound kind of looked like one. I still miss Squid and my grandmother, but it is okay for me to be happy again. And it’s okay to still be sad sometimes.

     

    I have had time to heal. I am back in school full-time. I work retail again, with Thanksgiving off. And I have a beautiful nephew that I love so much.

     

    Try to remember the good things in your life as this holiday of “thanks” nears. I am thankful that my sister is alive. I am thankful for my nephew. I am thankful for all my family. I am thankful for my college education. I am thankful for this in internship so that I can share stories like this one with young girls who may experience similar grief.

     

    Here are some links to grief webpages if things get a little too tough:

    https://www.dougy.org/grief-resources/how-to-help-a-grieving-teen/

    https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/coping-grief-teenager/teen-grief-books

    https://www.verywellhealth.com/working-through-grief-10-helpful-tips-1132522