The day was July 16th, 2019 my first voice lesson. From the time I prepared to attend school to the car ride to Clay-Chalkville, Alabama, my heart was racing, my head spinning and my stomach upside down. I arrive at the studio and my legs are shaking, the time is now I have to sing. There is no one here but myself and my teacher. I tried to stall, give a long story about my day, tell an unrelated story but it was finally time to do what I came there for.
I made it through the first lesson.
When I finished I wanted to shrivel up and disappear.
The months that followed would mold both my vocal ability and emotional capacity. I learned to believe in myself and do what I need to do even when I don’t want to do it. I am a student that is confident and courageous about my capabilities to be successful in voice lessons.
The patience I received from my teacher allowed me to feel self-assured of what I am capable of which made me confident in reaching my goals. The day I sang for my teacher for the first time was one of the scariest days of my life.
There was sweat on my forehead mystifying itself. I thought to myself “ I just need one more day I’m not ready” I guess I thought if I could escape those feelings for a day they wouldn’t come back. After stalling for about 15 minutes, I went to the bathroom to attempt to pull myself together. My mom helped, she talked to my teacher about unrelated topics. This lasted long enough for my nausea to stop and although I didn’t feel ready it was time.
I enter our room and wait for the track to start.
When it finally does I close my eyes and open my mouth. Not a word comes out. I was completely embarrassed and confused. My teacher assured me that it was okay and that it is normal to be nervous. This phenomenon continued several times over and over again, but my teacher never made me feel worse she just continued to give me words of encouragement. After the 4th-5th time, I finally was able to start my song.
No matter how much I wanted to give up my teacher kept me pushing. When I finally came to allow words to come out of my mouth, I wasn’t expecting the sound that came. I paused for just a second but, my teacher says “no don’t stop it’s okay keep going”. That’s the last thing I wanted to do. I shut my eyes so tight that I saw colors and I continued to sing. What was actually a minute and a half seemed like an hour but it was finally over. I opened my eyes and my teacher starts to clap and cheer.
This day marked a milestone in my life. As a learner and a student my teacher made me prove to myself that I have courage. She kept pushing me to continue my song when I wanted to just stop and start over. She gave me words of affirmation and confidence that I was capable of finishing strong.I got in the car after my lesson feeling I was already successful. To me, success is a feeling. I don’t think I expected to actually sing my first day, just talk. I certainly didn’t expect to keep going when I wanted to give up but I felt more than accomplished when I did.