All along, I’ve seen the warning signs
The vicious cycle of my disease
Struggling to get out of bed every morning
Pretending everything’s fine
Constantly numbing the pain
I’m in a prison of my own making
But I don’t know if I want to break free
Everyone tells me to keep fighting
Why can’t I just give in?
Body, mind, soul, you already own it all
I live in eternal darkness
But have never felt more at peace
I close my eyes, prepared to surrender
Taking a deep breath, I sigh
As the harsh reality of life washes over me
No one’s coming to save me, I am on my own
Why shouldn’t I give in and let the darkness swallow me whole?
But for the first time ever, I suddenly feel an urge to fight
I open my eyes as I repeat the words
“No one’s coming to save me”
It’s true, no one can save me, so I have to save myself
Fend off the all-consuming darkness
Revive my light that once shown so brightly
Embracing the pain, the fear, the hatred
I face the mirror, a wall of invisible scars
I’ve been a soldier my whole life
My body, a living warzone
Hidden from sight
Masked by makeup, manners, and misdirection
An illusion only I can recognize
Mascara concealing the tears I’ve cried
Lipstick covering the secrets I hide
Clothes veiling my battle wounds
On the outside I smile quietly
On the inside I’m screaming for help
Every day, an endless assault of intrusive thoughts
“No one can know”
“Just smile and ignore the pain”
“Don’t think so much”
“Why can’t you just be normal?”
I breathe deeply as the panic sets in
“Everyone’s staring at you”
“You’re so fat”
“They’re not really your friends”
“Why can’t you be pretty like the other girls?”
Yet again I feel that same suffocating weight
The bone-chilling darkness that surrounds me
But this time something’s different
A new voice echoes loudly inside my head
“You’re beautiful just the way you are”
Gasping, I face the mirror once again
As the broken glass shatters around my feet
A new, almost unimaginable image appears before me
My once unruly hair, now a crown fit for a lioness
My once shameful stretch marks, now a beautiful reminder of my journey
I stare at the mirror in amazement
As every part of my body begins to glow from within
Not a trace of the darkness is left
All I can feel is the warmth of the light
Turns out, I was the illusion all along
