Poem, Writing

Washed Out to Sea

Seasonal Depression & Some Coping Methods

 

where does this loneliness 

come from?

 

how does something 

swallow me up inside

if i don’t even know

where it is

coming from?

 

i can’t even begin to wrap my head

around why i feel 

lonely when

all i do is choose to be

alone-

 

i am my worst

destruction.

 

i lose excitement 

daily, and

i lose my purpose

daily, and

i question my place

in this wild world i 

was born into

daily-

 

WHERE DO I BELONG?

 

i have tried to build 

a place for me-

tried to build a castle

out of rotting wood and 

splintered glass 

 

it isn’t working.

 

i didn’t belong before, and

i don’t belong now, and

i am starting to think that

i don’t belong

any / where

 

-but i can’t let them know

 

i can’t let 

anyone

know.

 

there are so many things that i hide

that i’m not sure

what parts of me

are left

uncloaked-

 

i am a mystery. 

 

/ do i want to be? /

 

no,

 

but i have

become one.

 

i float aimlessly-

a geographically challenged butterfly,

wings ripped and 

so far from home that

she drags the chrysalis of

who she once was along 

beside her.

 

when is my

metamorphosis?

 

everyone keeps talking about

the moment where we all

spread our wings and

GROW, but

i am beginning i feel

as if that moment

will never come for

me.

 

maybe i spread my wings too early,

overexcited myself with the

potential of freedom and

turned into a modern day

icarus-

the lasting sunburn still

pinching my skin

 

,and maybe i never

spread my wings

at all-

maybe i deluded myself 

in the same way

that i delude

everyone

 

crafting a life so

cloudy that

all i can do is

rain-

 

thunderlightningwind 

blows through my hair and

damages what i have worked

so hard to

create.

 

i am a sandcastle whose

only purpose is to be

temporary

 

i do not last/

i will not last/

 

one day the sea will 

creep its way into my

crumbling soul and

take me just as it has

taken so many

before

 

,and i will wash out to

mother ocean,

surrender my aching 

bones and

relinquish what little

control i had over

this life i tried to

raise out of

sinking

ground.

 

maybe the ones who come

after me will

know more than

i do;

maybe they will

swim in the ocean just like

i did when i was

a child who didn’t know

better than to drink

the salt of the sea

/except

maybe they will 

learn something.

 

maybe they will

drink the salt,

taste the essence of

what was and what

is and 

what will be,

 

stumble across the shells

i left on the ocean

floor, hoping that one day

someone one would find what

i one day

found and

remember me.

 

marin poleshek

hi! my name is marin, and i am a rising senior at homewood high school. i love to read, write, run, bake, and hike. my favorite color is forest green, and i am currently obsessed with waffles and ranch fries 🙂

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