Poem, Writing

Washed Out to Sea

Seasonal Depression & Some Coping Methods


where does this loneliness 

come from?


how does something 

swallow me up inside

if i don’t even know

where it is

coming from?


i can’t even begin to wrap my head

around why i feel 

lonely when

all i do is choose to be



i am my worst



i lose excitement 

daily, and

i lose my purpose

daily, and

i question my place

in this wild world i 

was born into





i have tried to build 

a place for me-

tried to build a castle

out of rotting wood and 

splintered glass 


it isn’t working.


i didn’t belong before, and

i don’t belong now, and

i am starting to think that

i don’t belong

any / where


-but i can’t let them know


i can’t let 




there are so many things that i hide

that i’m not sure

what parts of me

are left



i am a mystery. 


/ do i want to be? /




but i have

become one.


i float aimlessly-

a geographically challenged butterfly,

wings ripped and 

so far from home that

she drags the chrysalis of

who she once was along 

beside her.


when is my



everyone keeps talking about

the moment where we all

spread our wings and

GROW, but

i am beginning i feel

as if that moment

will never come for



maybe i spread my wings too early,

overexcited myself with the

potential of freedom and

turned into a modern day


the lasting sunburn still

pinching my skin


,and maybe i never

spread my wings

at all-

maybe i deluded myself 

in the same way

that i delude



crafting a life so

cloudy that

all i can do is




blows through my hair and

damages what i have worked

so hard to



i am a sandcastle whose

only purpose is to be



i do not last/

i will not last/


one day the sea will 

creep its way into my

crumbling soul and

take me just as it has

taken so many



,and i will wash out to

mother ocean,

surrender my aching 

bones and

relinquish what little

control i had over

this life i tried to

raise out of




maybe the ones who come

after me will

know more than

i do;

maybe they will

swim in the ocean just like

i did when i was

a child who didn’t know

better than to drink

the salt of the sea


maybe they will 

learn something.


maybe they will

drink the salt,

taste the essence of

what was and what

is and 

what will be,


stumble across the shells

i left on the ocean

floor, hoping that one day

someone one would find what

i one day

found and

remember me.


marin poleshek

hi! my name is marin, and i am a rising senior at homewood high school. i love to read, write, run, bake, and hike. my favorite color is forest green, and i am currently obsessed with waffles and ranch fries 🙂

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