A friend of mine came to me the other day with a story about her niece asking for relationship advice.
The poor girl was so embarrassed by the advice she received from her mom, that she didn’t know where else to turn.
When life gives you tough choices, there are more and more online resources to help you through it. For this particular topic, let me be your guide.
From a young age, I knew what I liked and what I didn’t like in the guys that I dated. I had my first “boyfriend” when I was in the second grade. I know what you’re thinking, that’s not even a real relationship. It may not be, but it felt very real at the time. We “dated” for three years. His mom or my mom would take us on little dates to the local skating rink or the movies. And for valentine’s day it was a big show.
Then, when the end of fifth grade came around, I knew I wanted to experience the world a little and get to know myself. This all seems silly coming from a fifth grader, but you have to stop yourself and remember what your head was like at that time.
I ended the relationship with my “boyfriend” by telling him the truth.
I was very honest with him about how the entire relationship made me feel and how I was unsure whether I would regret my decision, but that I need a change. At the time, I thought I loved him, but middle school was right around the corner and I knew older kids dated differently.
My body started to change, and I began to get attention from a lot of different boys and even some girls. I was at a loss for how to reject guys and how to date without being in a relationship. Anytime a boy gave me a little bit of attention I felt like I owed it to them to flirt back. But I didn’t. The truth is that you don’t owe anyone anything when it comes to relationships, flirting, or your sexuality.
It can be fun to test the water a little bit and flirt back, back don’t do it because you feel obligated. Let yourself be free and react naturally. Sometimes your natural reaction to something can be even better than a premeditated reaction. Besides, you want the boy or girl to like you for who you are, not for who you pretend to be.
If you have anxiety or do not function well socially, then being quiet for a moment isn’t a bad thing.
I talk a lot, so I am attracted to guys that don’t normally talk much. You might find an equal balance with someone in that way, too. Or maybe someone who feels confident enough to talk to you while you’re remaining silent will help you eventually feel comfortable enough to talk back.
Also, be careful with the people you choose to date or have relations with. If there is a boy or girl that you’re interested in, and they are known for doing bad things or being a bad person, maybe take some time to reflect on that. If you only know through rumors, then you could take time to uncover the truth, but if you know for a fact that someone is an indecent human being, go ahead and dodge that bullet. You can’t change someone any more than you would expect someone to change you.
When it comes to rejecting someone, you can just say no.
Or if you want to be honest, go ahead and politely tell them the truth. A simple “no, thank you” can get you pretty far. If you’re dealing with a guy that pushes you even after you say no, just walk away or tell them they’re making you uncomfortable. Sometimes boys and girls need honesty to help them grow as people.
Keep in mind that dating is a different experience for everyone. Some people may not be ready for it until they’re older and others might just be more interested in their studies to take the time for it. If you feel pressured by someone to make a decision, just tell them no. And always make sure to discuss how your relationship will go. Are you exclusive? Is this just a date or two? Are you in a committed long-time relationship? Questions like those are important to establish so that someone doesn’t get hurt.
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