Dear K,
I really suck at expressing love,
But here I am crafting you an epistle,
Although my adoration for you prevails beyond the limits of language,
I’ll try my best to use my words to do our friendship justice.
Vulnerability,
I spent years as a fugitive from it,
Cloaking my emotions,
Never allowing myself to let down my walls.
One block at a time,
You tore down my internal palace,
storming inside and offering me,
Freedom.
My hands were glued shut over my eyes,
But cautiously,
I peeled a finger away,
And peered through at you.
You marched ahead,
Fearlessly making yourself known to the world,
While I,
Traipsed behind,
Wondering how anyone could be so unapologetically,
Themselves.
You became my mentor of sorts,
Showing me how to love myself,
How to even find myself in the first place.
I still stumble,
But I have joined you in your march.
Tried on the beanie you knit me this morning,
Never has my head appeared so bulbous,
Don’t worry,
I’ll still wear it,
Like a proud fan wears their jersey.
I visited our favorite cafe tonight.
Separated for months by the pandemic,
I felt the absence of your engulfing hugs,
Of your larger than life personality.
Boredom seeped in with your absence,
so I scrolled through my memories on Snapchat,
Littered with selfies,
And more than not,
Random bits and pieces of you.
I let my phone replay,
Over and over,
The video of us dancing in our own kingdom,
The school restroom,
The one with the faulty locks,
And forever empty soap dispensers,
Where we ruled the stalls and tiled floors,
And we condemned those who swiftly exited,
Without washing their hands.
Every second I spend with you,
We seem to conquer the world together,
But hiding behind each moment,
Is a heavy-hitting nostalgia,
That at any instant,
Things will come to an end.
These thoughts,
Too dark to bear,
I call you up again.
Rants about crushes and annoying boys,
Transform as the night grows darker,
Into full-blown existential crises,
As we ponder the meaning of life.
Now I lay tucked away in bed.
Listening closely,
I hear heavy breathing and faint snores,
On the other line.
I smile as I whisper my goodnights,
And hang up the call.
Love,
A
